From my window I notice the boring, grey day. It doesn’t look very inviting. The past two days I delivered an intensive training; being out there and passing on a lot of my energy. A walk in the woods would help me, feel the ground under my own feet again. The forest is near and I have the time. But I don’t want to, I don’t feel like it and I am also just tired. What is this? What obstacle lies there in front of me that keeps me from doing what I know to be good for me and what I usually like doing? To have the ability but to be unwilling. In another, emotional aspect of my life I feel an unwillingness and an inability. That has to with letting go, for which I am not prepared. And then there is a willingness but an unability with my light smoking addiction that bothers me. I have bookshelfs full of sensible words but they are not helping if I don’t feel where my resistance lies. The words only serve to show me where I am not, that it is not good and that therefore I’m still not good enough. On impulse I get my tarot cards out. Let them show me what is in stead of what should be. Miraculous things, these cards. They do show me what is, in the here and now. Brieflly (without the deeper personal subtleties that the card adds):
Able, yet unwilling: devotion and discipline
Willing, yet unable: the natural restraint
Unable and unwilling: calmness and surrender
The cards give a fresh and unexpected view on the here and now. Now there is silence, quiet and peace and I am ready to go into the day.
Able and willing: go for a walk 🙂