The walking is very different from last year. Last year I walked quite carelessly through Ireland and England it seems. Now I have the idea that I need to compare Germany with that. Are the Irish and the English comparable with the Germans? I walk long hours, up to 12 hours per day but progress is wanting. I feel tired, with less energy than last year. Another point of comparison. I am able to endure, physically and mentally. It takes some time to realise that something may not be right.
Everything is different from last year. It makes no sense to compare, at all. There are new people in my life. There are new joys and new sorrows. Some old sorrows that don’t fade, some new sorrows that yet have to take form. It is taking more energy of me then I expected, more then I maybe have. Hilary, a friend from England, says that the grief over a divorce can be as heavy as grieving a deceased friend. Today feels like she is right. Today feels like the balance between joy and sorrow is not OK. It takes me quite some physical effort to find out.
That’s why it is good to be sitting with very good friends this evening, sharing stories and food. And to visit my parents and family tomorrow. Being surrounded by good and loving friends.
And doing laundry as well… 🙂