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I am on an evening walk. It is dark but not too dark. The full moon shows its face every once in a while through the clouds that are gently drifting in from the south-east. Walkin in the dark is very different from walking in day time. You walk in a more feeling way, more in a hearing way. It is quieter, I can hear my breathing. Sometimes there is a rustle in the leaves. The light of the moon in winter time is different from summer time.; softer and more quiet. It colours the trees en the shrubs and the leaves on the path in many different shades of grey. In me it gets quieter and more still as well. The moonlight that colours everything in these beautiful, soft shades of grey invites me to look and listen inside as well, to the grey shades of my own body and soul.

I was at the IDFA festival today with my colleague coaches, where we saw the documentary “Sheep Hero”. A hard headed sheep herd who has to stand up to cutbacks and reorganisations. You also saw straight away that his stubbornness was the reason that he couldn’t make any choice other than following his heart’s direction, untill the inevitable end. We heard and saw him making his stubborn choices and we could predict the end of his story from the start. You can do that because you have some distance to him. I wonder who can predict my choices, who can already tell the river of my story; gently, softly, with all the twists and bends. Who can tell your choices and story; gently, lovingly, almost without questions?

John O’Donohue writes a beauftiful piece about making choices in his book ‘Walking in Wonder’

“That is one of the fascinating things in going through the world -you wonder at destiny, at the way that life actually flowes and moves and grows. I  have a great suspicion of of an awful lot of what is paraded as moral decision and moral rectitude and moral recognition, I think there is a beautiful morality of possibility to be written, because placing all the emphasis on moral choice is very limiting. Choise is always about loss; you choose one thing over the other several things. And maybe the soul doesn’t want to do that. It is a very interesting question: whether in the course of your life, you had to choose one direction, if in actual fact, in the unknown area of your life, your other unchosen lives might not actually travel with you as well. Maybe one of the great surprises we will get in the wonder moment of after-death is that when we wake up and straighten up in that new kingdom, we will find that all our unchosen and unlived lives are there to welcome us as well”.

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