Another warm day. Later this afternoon it is going to rain, there are high clouds and the sun is vieled. Spring has suddenly arrived, juices flow in full glory and you can almost see the blossoms and leaves grow. The wise, larger trees hold on to their baldness, one bird does not yet make summer for them. Spring may have inspired some recent articles, or perhaps they have come to my attention because of spring. For some weeks I have been reading strange things from and about men. There are men who demand sex as right for them, because they can’t get it otherwise (Not so long ago it was an undeniable ‘right’ in Western countries and in many countries it still is, so you can understand the confusion with these men). A priest coming out of the closet and claiming that porn is beautiful because it shows people who are obviously enjoying it, he says. Someone in my newspaper claiming that porn provides freedom because you become independent in getting sex. This evening, just before I wrote this, a documentary about men. Great, how the uneasiness and the search for identity of men is made visible.
We men, we are so afraid to be vulnerable, to cry, to show our emotions. We have to be strong and tough, dominant. If you aren’t, you’re a push-over. I say ‘we’, because many times I am one of them. I suspect 80% of men to be like this. It is not a biological thing, this is how we have been raised and socialized. Men can’t be feminists, even though we can support feminsim. We men we have our path to follow to become more human.
I wonder what we find when we unveil this. Those men finding freedom in porn, who claim sex as an undeniable right, the men that can’t be vulnerable, what is it that they are hiding, afraid of? I believe it to be an uncomfortable relation to the question of intimacy, the need for the intimate and genuine connection to another human being. With the fear of rejection so big that we have to hide it behind toughness, porn and demanding rights. How infinitely sad is it, that something that is a fundamental need and can be gotten from an unlimited source is seemingly impossible to get.
I wonder, are women doing better in this area than men? Or do they have their own trouble with intimicay? maybe it’s time we made a documentary about the humans and their need for intimacy.
The sun has almost dissapeared behind the clouds now. The first raindrops are starting to fall and the thunder roars unrelentingly. Our demons are not that easily caught, they seem to say. Luckily I am home by now.