Wherever I make a stop for water or a rest, people are surprised. A walk to Istanbul, ok, they think it a bit strange, possibly kuku and also a lot of bravo. But on my own! Am I not scared? On my question of what I should be scared of I get no answer. I think they are afraid of being alone. Like the post I placed on fb from John O’Donohue, that scared some people as well. Fearing without knowing what to fear is the ultimite anxiety, I believe. Then everything is a threat and there is no safety at all. That’s not how it is for me. What am I afraid of than? A couple of days ago I met with a gang of wild dogs growling at me. That was scary. I made an accord with the leader that neither of us would get hurt. That worked. Or maybe I should be afraid of something happening to me in the wild, a fracture or a fall. That’s not unthinkable, I am rather carefull where I walk. Some of my fears are unrealistic, like being without water. The depressing look of a city like Ćuprija also gives me a kind of anxiety. I am not so scared of thugs, where I most probably should be. Maybe I should be much more afraid come to think of it. But then I wouldn’t be here. I hold on to the totems in my rucksack; the evil eye, the palo santo. And the merry little owl for perspective.
And yes, I am also afraid of loneliness sometimes. The strenght for that has to come from my own heart.