It is a sunny day with a strong easterly wind. Winter hasn’t gone yet, although it is warm out of the wind and in the sunshine. I am walking through the “Regte Heide” a moor south-east of the city of Tilburg in the midst of forest and farmlands. I usually walk a large round when doing this type of day trip. I find going and coming over the same paths irritating. It gives me the feeling that I am wasting my time. Silly, of course. Even more silly when you consider that I take detours to prevent going back over the same path. My walking isn’t always linear and logical 🙂 Maybe it is my luck then that it becomes more clear every day that time and space aren’t linear either. Maybe coincidence is really design? And the ‘big bang’ isn’t behind us but ahead of us? 😉
When walking this circular route I realise that there are many more things that seem to be linear, straightforward, but when seen in a circular way give you a complete different outlook. I reflect on the relation between ‘dependent’ and ‘independent’. You could explore that in a linear way by putting it on a scale. Like this:
Dependency can be called ‘in need of support’, handy, trusting, bound, connected. There are positive and negative aspects to it. You can do the same with independence: unbound, free, selfreliant, without boundaries, arbitrary. You value this yourself, according to your own background. Looking at myself for instance, I see someone who is in many ways self reliant and at the same time good at effacing himself. Effacing makes you dependent because you put yourself totally at the service of others. You could also be someone who is good at caring, supporting. In exaggeration that can become clinging to others and there as well you lose yourself in the act of giving. Would the middle of that line be the balance then? A bit of everything and in the right measure. To me that looks like more of the same, it doesn’t explain the difference between being selfreliant and effacing.
Looking at this in a circular way gives me the opportunity to create space that can shed new light on the dependency issue. I believe that the space should be called ‘vulnarable’. We all want to be seen, acknowledged, recognized, loved. We try to reach that by relating to others, in different aspects of dependency. We are vulnarable in doing so. Sometimes we can be so very vulnarable that we efface ourselves or cling to others because we are so afraid not to be seen, not to be loved.
Back to the Regte Heide. You could maybe see the moors as natures’ vulnarability and the woods and farmlands surrounding it as a layer of protection. On the outside is the busy world with all that comes with it: you can see Tilburgs’ skyline from here. Time to go back to that world.