I woke up this morning with the feeling of knowing. It is the moment on the edge of waking and dreaming, when you are almost conscious and also still somewhere between the stars. In which you remember from where you came and where you are going. The moment when you just know who you are, where you came from and who you are and you feel precisely in your chest where your centre is. After that consciousness takes over and the precise knowing slips like sand between your fingers into nothing. The only thing you know afterwards is how faraway your consciousness is from your centre and how much work still lies ahead of you.
I have had an intensive week of training in Brussels with another week still to come. To get some movement I dedice on a long walk through the dunes of Drunen. Maybe it will also help me to find back that feeling, that experience of this morning. It is a grey day with snow on the sand and a daylight that turns to evening long before its time. I think I have a subscription to grey days lately. This mornings’ feeling does not return but the good thing is that I know it was there. It will carry me for a long time.
Even betteris that on waking this morning I find this text by John O’Donohue in my mail box. Maybe that is the moment.
I place on the altar of dawn:
The quiet loyalty of breath,
The tent of thought where I shelter,
Waves of desire I am shore to
And all beauty drawn to the eye.
May my mind come alive today
To the invisible geography
That invites me to new frontiers,
To break the dead shell of yesterdays,
To risk being disturbed and changed.
May I have the courage today
To live the life that I would love,
To postpone my dream no longer
But do at last what I came here for
And waste my heart on fear no more.